Lustrous

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Friends. People you enjoy spending your hours with for they can sympathize and relate to you. But why is it that most friendships come to an end. Incompatibility?

Or the lack of something new? We all contribute something to a friendship. Humor. Compassion. Wisdom. But after a constant stimulation of these same traits, we tend to expect the same characteristic and expect it will last and once again. Nothing new remains. Lackluster.

Lackluster.

Sometimes you like to that these long-term relationships were never meant to be as humans started out as a migrating species. It’s simply anti-evolutionary!

But an end of a friendship is not tragic. It’s the start of something new.

But there are some relationships, you realize were made for a reason. You just don’t want to end those companionships because you know you would regret it. Even lackluster has the word luster. You just need to find the luster again in your friendship. And when you do, you realize. Those are the friends that will last a lifetime.

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The Storyteller’s Words

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I tell you.

You tell her.

She tells him.

He tells me.

Rumors spread. It’s inevitable that they do. There a plethora of stories from a plethora of people with a plethora of experiences. The spread of stories is bound to happen.

However, only the Storyteller can say what facts move on.

Gossip is an interesting subject. It can ruin lives but also enhance them. Life without drama can be a boring life in reality. Peace and amusement do not always correlate. An interesting TedTalk which I had seen (click here to see it) portrays gossip as an interesting study of anthropology. It reflects the views of society at a time period.

The fact that gossip is a reflection of our society changed what I thought about it. It is, in fact, a form of communication. As knowledge-seeking creatures, human beings are compulsive to spread and hear gossip.

Why are we so aversive to a method of spreading information? Censorship is prevalent in society continuously. Whether or not the government does it, society enjoys to censor itself in its very foundations. We are aversive to the weird and uncomfortable. We avoid controversial conversations so our days can stay conventional and peaceful. Even untruthful gossip evokes emotions. A reaction gives all of the Storyteller’s spoken words value.

Even inaccurate gossip evokes emotions. And it is a reaction that gives all of the Storyteller’s spoken words value.

It is necessary that we speak what’s on our minds. Because the spoken word has a power to it. The power of perspective. And without your unique view influenced by your unique life being shared with us, our ears would lack the unique knowledge you have to offer. Become a new protagonist – a Storyteller.

I tell you.

You tell her.

She tells him.

He tells me.

And the story is shared.

Tears on a Staircase

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Mistakes.

Those can often drive bonds apart – tear them apart. No matter how much you care for the other. No matter how much you meant what you said. No matter how much the other shed their tears.

But aren’t mistakes supposed to make us who we are?

Wrong time, wrong place. Right message. That was my mistake.

Embarrassment hurts but sometimes it is necessary.

But sorry I will be for those tears. I’m sorry I said what I did at the wrong time. I’m not sorry for doing it.

And I hope that you will heed my message because you are getting closer to the end. It was just one tear. We are just one step closer to success now.

Aren’t we? 

Clear those tears and look up because it’s not the downfalls in life that define us. We are going to fall through those tears on the staircase to success inevitably and irrevocably.

But do we ever want to make it?

Because the end is a dead end. It’s the steps and tears that make the end so worthwhile not the end itself.  It’s the steps we make and the tears we jump over that bring us closer to the end.

It’s the steps and tears that make the end so worthwhile not the end itself.  It’s the steps we make and the tears we jump over that bring us closer to the end but closer to the top as well.

The end.

Judgment Day

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You don’t know the stranger but as soon as a friend whispers an opinion, bandwagoners follow. For what justification: caution, agreement, or xenophobia? Groupthink may lead to a peace but the dictum may not always be just.

There are people you only meet once and then there are those you meet over and over again. Sometimes it’s necessary to move the judgment day back just a few more days or else you will miss out on what the world has to offer: a plethora of personalities.

And so I apologize to the friends who I listened to for not providing insight of my perception of the stranger. I apologize to the stranger for stealing the chance of a first-impression. And finally, I apologize to myself for not trusting my own judgment.

Tennis

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Yesterday was my last high school home match for the tennis season. I decided that this was worthy of reflection.

All four years of high school I had played tennis. I was never really a maestro at it… in fact, I was not very adept at all at the sport. Slowly each year I did get better at it and eventually became part of the traveling team and even won a few matches. As the season and high school are coming to an end I am slowly realizing that despite all my complaints, I actually did enjoy practicing and playing. Regardless, I had failed to show enthusiasm for the sport. Why? I’m not completely sure.

Human beings tend not to appreciate what they have and instead lust for what is unachievable. It is a psychological tendency more than a personality trait. It is a form of motivation and drives a person to ameliorate themselves. This evolutionary trait may be helpful in some conditions but makes us forget to appreciate our lives as we live it. There are going to be situations that you only experience once. And I hope one day when I indulge in these events I will be able to think back to tennis and smile a little bit more towards the present than the past.

Jars

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Today while going to tennis, I was thinking about an excuse because we lost track of time and were going to tennis late. We wanted a more believable truth about why we were not there on time than the fact we just simply lost track of time. It was only till I came home I realized that the lie itself was not even necessary. We made a common error and there would not have been any consequences regardless. We had a compulsion to lie even when it was unnecessary. 

I pondered on the subject for a few hours longer. I realized that human beings are compelled by their desires to break the rules, to be fractious. Despite not having the necessity to say the truth, we succumbed to our desire to have a better version of our reality. The subdued desire for infamy.

This reminded me of the Edgar Allan Poe short story, “The Imp of the Perverse”, which we had read in class. It spoke about the human desire to act against their self-interests towards chaos just because of the assiduous curiosity of the “what if I had”. Are we, as human beings, truly just wanting chaos deep down inside?

Lies are told on a daily basis whether they’re small white lies or more grandiose ones. Regardless, imagine if for each lie a jar was filled up a little more throughout one’s lifetime. How much regret would be in that jar? Would you even remember every lie? A lie is not always a bad thing but it reminds us that our reality is not perfect. A constructive lie is one that becomes a future goal. While it may be hard but each lie should be the first step of a new truth. With time, slowly and eventually, each jar would empty.

How many jars would you have to empty?

Inertia

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So I stumbled upon this website called Prose for aspiring writers to write on challenge topics weekly. There was this one topic that struck my interest. The topic was to write about the first day of the Zombie apocalypse in a diary entry. Prose wants to break the record for the longest book through this challenge.

This is a short writing piece that I wrote. Click here to go to the post. Feel free to leave comments and critical criticism!

The Rejection Letter

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Two days ago, I was rejected from my dream schools – Stanford, Columbia, Johns Hopkins. The week had begun horrendously. I was anxious, not entertained, and beginning to develop some illness. I had even missed an award ceremony that week because I misread A.M. for P.M on the letter. When the moment came to check each application, a feeling in my stomach had dropped as I read the letters all starting on the lines of “we regret to inform you”. No emotion initially appeared on my face. Hope is a paradoxical presence. It keeps you going but it also tears you down. Because these letters contained no reason for their rejection, I tried to attribute my failure to something I had not done well, but I could think of nothing. I had done a plethora of extracurriculars, was valedictorian, and had more than sufficient test scores for these schools. Yet I was rejected. There was an empty feeling of uncertainty for the future that filled me. I did not know what to do in my future anymore. I had everything planned out and the decision release decimated my plans.

We regret to inform you...

Would I live anything more than an average life? That question was ingrained into the back of my head. I was scared but I refused to have transparency with my emotions. I read through a multitude of blogs and articles to find any condolence but I was left unsatisfied. I could not define the rejections as a failure because there was absolutely nothing else I could have done more than I already had in high school. I had made sure to persevere in all subjects, not for the sake of college admissions but because I had a genuine interest in numerous areas. Did this itself work against me. I wanted to know the reason I was rejected. My essays? My scores? Reverse discrimination and quotas? Along with this on the next day of school despite my efforts, I was unable to keep myself from making the correlation of seeing how the wealthy students who were less qualified than me were able to get into their respective dream schools, unlike the middle classed kids who were left out to dry.

In the end, however, I realized that bitterness was not going to be a panacea for my woes. I did get into good schools but I failed to recognize that in my misery. Life does go on no matter whether or not you want it to. To obsess about something that won’t change just seems destructive. College rejections suck but there is nothing we can do to change it. And with that, I began to research the colleges that I did get accepted into and the pain of my rejections did not fade of course but subdued. Eventually, my “what if I had” questions will end as well and the “what if I had”‘s will become “how will I”‘s instead. Sometimes life is not going to go the way I want it to, but I know every road will have a unique experience right on ahead.

So I guess this is my rejection letter to my nervousness, and I regret to inform this fear of the future, this chronophobia, that I do care that I got rejected from my dream schools, but that’s simply the way it is, but I will not let this fracture of my plans affect my future. Thank you and my deepest regrets.

And to hordes of you that also got rejected, I am not going to say “you are going to do great things in the future so don’t worry you got rejected from that one college” or that “everything happens for a reason”, as my friends had told me because those reassurances lacked the certainty that I needed. I am going to say: the future is uncertain. And in this uncertainty find the certainty that it is up to you to live your life the way you want it to. Accepting what is in front of you and making the most of it is how to keep sane and functional in this world.

This may have been a bump in the road of life for me, but then again… it may have not been one as well.

Genesis

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In the past few days, I had to face a lot of disappointment. Everything I accomplished in life so far had gone to what I thought was a waste. But it is from the wasteland that a new society successes and so as the new chapter in my life begins, I plan to just outline my experiences and I guess learn with the rest of the world what it means to truly grow up and what it means to truly grow.